A somber day it is today. Remembering the events that took place a year ago today. The emotions, the sadness, the helplessness. Sometimes it feels like this year has flown by, and sometimes it feels so long ago.

A year ago today we found out we were pregnant.

A year ago today we found out our aunt was taken from us in a horrible act of violence.

A year ago today, our lives changed forever.

The helplessness we felt for my cousins… the sadness we felt for our loss… the overcoming joy we felt for our new gift. Oh it was an overwhelming day.

But that day changed me. It changed Charlie. And we take from it the things we need to be thankful for.

I am so thankful my cousins have been so strong through all of this. Knowing its ok to cry, and knowing its ok to laugh.

I am so thankful for my family… the way everyone pulled together and supported each other through all our sadness.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to support my cousins and the relationships we have built with them. Being able to have a home for them when they need it helps me feel like I am honoring my Aunt and all she did for me while she was alive.

I am so thankful for my baby boy… I truly feel he was a gift from God and my Aunt.

I’ve come across a few quotes and a song that has really stuck out to me this past year.

This makes so much more sense to me then the saying, “God only gives you what you can handle.”

I know my aunt would want all of us to remember this…

My aunt loved Whitney Houston. I too have always loved her music and had almost all of her songs. One song I hadn’t heard of hers, one of her last recordings, is a song I heard once my aunt had passed. The words of this song seem to have been written for my cousins. I can just hear it being sung to them when they are feeling down.

I didn’t Know My Own Strength, Whitney Houston

Lost touch with my soul

I had nowhere to turn, I had nowhere to go

Lost sight of my dream

Thought it would be the end of me
I, I thought I’d never make it through

I had no hope to hold on to

I, I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength

And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble

I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive

I picked myself back up, hold my head up high

I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength
Found hope in my heart

I found the light to life my way out of the dark

Found all that I need here inside of me
Oh, I thought I’d never find my way

I thought I’d never lift that weight

I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength

And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble

I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength

Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive

I picked myself back up, hold my head up high

I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength
There were so many times

I wondered how I’d get through the night

I thought I took all that I could take
I didn’t know my own strength

And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble

I got through all the pain

Oh, I didn’t know my own strength
My faith kept me alive

I picked myself back up, I hold my head up high

I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength
I was not built to break, no, no

I got to know my own strength

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In memory of my Aunt, Stephanie Maxam. You are always on our minds, thank you for being our Guardian Angel.